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Setting the scene?

Catching up with myself

If you have noticed, I have not been on here in such a very long time.

Not since I have been working full time. Nearly a year to date.

I have had a long term boyfriend in that time. He has been and gone.
It feels like only a memory, although only a month has passed, if that.

Like virus', festivals', celebrities.. they're all cycles, with a beginning and always an end. Relationships fly into your life, and then they leave. And all your really left with is memories. Thoughts.
Nothing of material value. Nothing to even prove that the relationship existed except for some photos (that even then don't prove anything) and people that knew both parties at the time.

I love relationships. I love the beginnings, middles, and even the ends. I love the thousands of different feelings that all every person you come into contact with, inplaces inside of you.
At times I feel like I am a robot. I walk through my life, and I have no control over how I will feel that day. I in-trust my emotions to whomever I may meet and interact with that day.
The man I bump into on my way to work. The young girl who sells me my new pink lipstick. The mother who calls me up enquiring about her son's case progress. My boss. My best friend.

I happily hand over all power and ride the waves of emotion.

Other times I take control, and de-sensitize myself to other peoples actions and words. These times aren't too common.

Some people find sensitivity to other people a down fall, I in fact love it.
I like being controlled sometimes. Like a little girl playing with her Barbie doll, I have no option but to do what she makes me do. I am free of all responsibility of my actions.
There is a puppeteer above me and I can only do exactly as he chooses. I am at his command.

Perhaps I find it a relief to not control anything for once. I am too good at controlling myself and others at times.


Setting the scene?

October 2009

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